Sometimes, my life feels like a series of one emotionally heavy event after another. I can't go into the details right now.
But amidst all of it, I've seen God's faithfulness. God has played His part. Now, it's time for me to get up again, not as someone defeated or downtrodden, but as someone who refuses to let everything that has happened weigh her down.
I hate the feeling that everything I've built is coming crumbling down. It isn't. But sometimes, it feels like it might. And the good news is, I have some control over that.
I couldn't stop my dad from dying, but I can control what I do after his death. I couldn't stop my mum from being unwell going through a main surgery, from spending a month in the hospital, or from having to take a break from work. But I can choose how I respond to everything that happened.
I'm not someone who processes things as they happen. I keep going. I deal with what needs to be dealt with, and somehow, I move on. Now that things have settled a little, I'm beginning to feel the emotional weight of everything. And honestly, I feel like I've lost some of my energy. My zest for things, for people, For life.
People might notice. I feel like I've given so much of myself these past few months that I've barely kept anything for me. So now, I need to get back to myself. I need to take hold of my life again. I'm not going to stay like this. Life goes on, right?
One thing my darkest days taught me is that I can still show up even when I don't feel like myself. I've done it before. I've succeeded in school. I've coded. I've worked. I've built things. I've kept going even when I was carrying things nobody could see.
So I'll do it again, not because I have everything figured out or because everything suddenly feels okay but because I know God will strengthen me.
So I'm taking the reins...