What It's About

In Build the Life You Want, Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey invite you to begin a journey toward greater happiness no matter how challenging your circumstances. Drawing on cutting-edge science and their years of helping people translate ideas into action, they show you how to improve your life right now instead of waiting for the outside world to change.

With insight, compassion, and hope, Brooks and Winfrey reveal how the tools of emotional self-management can change your life―immediately. They recommend practical, research-based practices to build the four pillars of happiness: family, friendship, work, and faith. And along the way, they share hard-earned wisdom from their own lives and careers as well as the witness of regular people whose lives are joyful despite setbacks and hardship.

Equipped with the tools of emotional self-management and ready to build your four pillars, you can take control of your present and future rather than hoping and waiting for your circumstances to improve.

Build the Life You Want is your blueprint for a better life.

My Thoughts

It’s really nice, I like it.

I was about to drop it at first, because this people spoke like people who had not witnessed pain. I almost concluded that they had written the book just from the perspective theory.

As I progressed it reading it made a some sense by which I can adjust to.

Notes

What’s in it for me ? Discover the secret to becoming happier, regardless of your circumstances.

Truth is, happiness does not depend on external circumstances. Circumstances such as — The perfect job, the ideal partner, greater wealth, or more friends.

You can do that by building the four core pillars of your life.

You’ll still experience pain and challenges, but with your four pillars firmly in place, your happiness will remain intact, even when you face hurdles

The True Nature of Happiness.

Happiness depends on how you manage yourself emotionally. If you let emotions rule your actions, instead of choosing how to behave, you end up trying to numb difficult feelings with things that don’t fulfill them long-term, like money, power, social status, or attention.

This takes the from you the three key elements of happiness — purpose, enjoyment, and satisfaction.

How to avoid getting distracted by faux happiness idol?

1. Stop thinking about happiness as a search for the holy grail. Instead, view it as something possible at any moment of your life, no matter the challenges you face.
2. Practice taking responsibility for your behavior, instead of letting your imitations rule you. That’ll stop your impulses from leading you to distractions that won’t make you happier in the long run.
3. Build your life around what will truly make you happier.

Four Sturdy Pillars that will elevate you every single day.

• Family
• Friends
• Meaningful work
• Spirituality

Your beloved, complex family

Family does bring most people a strong sense of purpose, that’s why it’s the first pillar building a happier life.

Families are bound to encounter challenges, these challenges can be used to deepen the family connection.

Two common challenges families face.

1. Conflict :
   • Avoiding conflict breeds resentment, which erodes happiness.
   • Instead of viewing conflict as a giant threat, start seeing it as a natural by-product of love.
   • Refocus on managing how you respond to it.
   • Conflict arises from mismatched expectations or miscommunications.
   • Instead of making assumptions of what people are thinking, ask them directly and create space for them to be heard.
2. Negativity:
   • If a family member is stuck in negativity, don’t tell them to snap out of it. It only makes things worse.
   • Instead, try to engage them in their interests.
   • Their negativity is not about you, so don’t take it personally or try to avoid theme.
   • Gently reaching out in a way that speaks to them.

Friendships that run deep

Friendship brings support and light to life’s bleakest seasons, making it the second pillar of a happier life.

Friendship these days are transactional, ones in which someone stands to gain something.

The most nurturing friendships are the ones that don’t depend on your job, money or ambitions.

They often start when people are drawn together by a shared love for something that brings joy, like a passion for the outdoors or a spiritual practice.

These friendships are filled with the nutrients you crave, prompting you to pursue them for their own sake.

If your friendship pillar is fragile, seek out new friends in a setting that’s unrelated to your workspace or personal goals.

Not only will you both benefit from hearing each other’s voices, but you’ll also be more likely to share at a deeper level.

Meaningful work

Having a job you like makes you happier, which is why it’s a third pillar of happiness.

First Step to finding a job that makes you happier

Understand who you are : Job satisfaction occurs when you receive intrinsic rewards too, meaning what you do gives you a sense of enjoyment and purpose.

Strategies to use if you’re not in a position to change jobs or career paths when you’re not happy with your career.

1. Find some room for learning and growth :
   • This is called earned success.

2. Service to others :

• Helping others won’t just bring light to their day, it’ll make you happier too.

Something greater than you

Spirituality is the fourth pillar of a happy life.

Spiritual people tend to have a strong sense of purpose.

Practices to adopt spirituality.

1. Mindfulness :
   • Do you spend a lot of your time reliving the past or worrying about the future? Yes
   • If so, this is cheating you and deeply experiencing the present, which is where you are most alive.
   • Mindfulness lowers anxiety to improving memory.
   • Dedicate some time to mindfulness each day.
2. Spend time in nature regularly
   • Like mindfulness, it improves memory and mood while lowering anxiety.
   • It also puts things in perspective and inspires a sense of awe and wonder.

Final Summary

Are you fostering deep and meaningful connections with your family ?

Does your work feel satisfying ?

And are you in touch with something that inspires awe and wonder ?